garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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