I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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