There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
