It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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