Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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