I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
