Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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