Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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