It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
