I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
