Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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