school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
