I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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