I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
