I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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