I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
