just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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