I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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