I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
