so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
