I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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