so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize