I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
