My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
