Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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