you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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