If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
