I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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