My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All the doctor said was why
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
