Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
