..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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