it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
