What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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