mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
