I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
