I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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