Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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