Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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