she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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