dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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