Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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