i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
