Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
