she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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