Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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