Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?