it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going