Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.