who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky