Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
