what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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