There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
