sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
