the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
