I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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