I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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