so that wasnt chicken after all
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
