So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
