why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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