girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
