just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
