no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
