i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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