We got so high we made milksteak
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
