Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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