I wish my penis had an off switch
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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