my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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