i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
