I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
