And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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