Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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