girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
