How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
