Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize