so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So vagazzling was a success
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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