k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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